ok so my new thing is i’m trying to get back to reading, and i thought maybe i should share with you the viewing public what i’ve been reading and what i think about each book, and it’s gonna be awesome, with a rating system and everything! and away we go!

the sun also rises by ernest hemingway

ok now here’s what i learned early on about classic american literature. buy the cliff notes right off the bat because 71 pages into this book i had no idea what the heck i had just read. so i got the cliff notes (actually they’re called “spark notes” if you buy em at barnes and noble these days) and read the chapter summaries of everything i had just read, and turns out the main character’s weener doesn’t work cuz it was shot up in world war 1.

ok maybe it wasn’t shot off. but it doesn’t work anymore. that’s the main thing you need to know about main character jake barnes. then when the author subtley says “his ding don’t dong no more”, you’ll know “oh, see his weener got hurt in the war, probably from carrying heavy artillery.” (yuk yuk yuk)

so basically, this book is about jake barnes and his slutty girl friend brett. not girlfriend, mind you. she doesn’t wanna get with him because he can’t sleep with her, so she just sleeps around and then when she gets her heart broken she hangs out with him and picks up the pieces. and she’s constantly talking about this other broke dude mike that she’s going to marry because he’s rich, and it’s really hard to tell if she’s making an ironic joke or is just delusional… in either case she talks about it so much i think she’s kind of just an rear.

so the main message of this book – effed up releationships are timeless.

the other main character of the book, robert cohn, in a word, is a idiot.

basically everyone in the book gets with lady brett ashley (don’t get confused by the lady title, she’s a ho)because she’s the village bicycle, and it’s all drunken one night stands, and then she goes away for a weekend with robert cohn and he falls for her hard and thinks it’s true love and starts following her all stalkerlike even when she’s hanging out with her main man mike…

there’s a big fight scene where robert punches out mike and jake and then he wants to shake hands and make nice after… same thing happens with a bullfighter brett’s sleeping with, except after he goes to shake that guy’s hand he punches him in the face. which is totally effing rad.

also, there’s lots and lots of boozing it up in this book. everyone and i mean everyone’s getting drunk. except back in olden times they called it getting “tight”. which sounds pretty dope.

uhhhhh what else. there’s bullfighting, but it’s kinda sad and gross cuz they talk about cutting the bull’s ear off and things like that.

aaaaaaaaaand that’s my book report of the sun also rises. if you like books about booze and sluts this one’s for you! i tip my hat to you hemingway, only you could make something like this sound so darn classy.

ratings:
4 hearts – loved the boozin it up, was a fun read, once i found out the guy hurt his ween in the war i had a good time watching for subtle references about it. lots of great descriptions of the spanish countryside.

1 fart – hemingway could’ve been a lot more direct in telling people about this dude’s weener malfunctions.