welcome to another edition of world mysteries solved!!!

did you ever wonder how donald trump gets his hair like that? last night in the midst of margaritas and baby showers, the truth was discovered by our crack team of specialists.

it turns out that mr. trump is actually quite bald. every morning when the donald begins his day, after the shower but before breakfast, the cook fires up the cotton candy maker downstairs in the kitchen. then 5 or 6 of his brawnier rearistants pick him up, flip him over, and rotate him around the bowl of the machine until a good 7-8″ of fluffy pink goodness surrounds his scalp. his stylist shapes it in a genuine trump industries hair mold, and then his own personal tagger spraypaints it with the finest spraypaint nyc has to offer. he then dons his solid gold suit, eats some breakfast, and is ready to begin the day.

you heard it here first, folks! delicious, delicious cotton candy!!!