I just woke up from the strangest dream… I don’t remember all of it, but the gist was I was hired by a guy that looked like John Edwards (the politician, not the psychic) to write his victory speech cuz he just got elected governor of mississipi.

I’ve never written a political speech before, guys, and that fact hadn’t changed in the dream. but for whatever reason, instead of the tons of qualified speech writers in this country, he wanted me to do it. and it wasn’t like we were friends or anything… it was just “hey can you write me this speech”.

so here’s the thing – I spent the entire dream racking my brain trying to get this thing written, i asked him tons of questions about his platform and what topics he wanted me to cover in his speech and i kept getting the brush-off, and all I ended up writing by the time i woke up was the opening line. he was gonna show up at this event riding in on an old skool riverboat, right? and my opening lines to his hey I won the governor position speech was something to the effect of:

“when I got the idea to run for governor here in the great state of Mississippi, I thought about the (something you like about Mississippi), the (something else you like about Mississippi), and the (one more thing you like about mississippi). but the biggest thing I asked myself was… (pause for effect, look back at riverboat)

does this gig come with a boat?”

zing!

we also write speeches for weddings and bar mitzvahs, folks! just don’t expect those speeches to be any good.