omg guys, i love halloween!

y’all know i’m working full time at hearts and laserbeams now; i was so excited to hear that they have a halloween costume contest! hearts and laserbeams really knows how to treat its employees well, and 1st prize in their yearly contest wins a bottle of wine and a nap on company time. these are both things i feel very strongly about, so i knew my costume had to be tops.

a couple of weeks ago i was looking through a thrift store, and i found it. the winner. perfection. as soon as i saw this polyester blue dress, everything in my field of vision went to soft focus and i heard a heavenly voice say “these have always brought me luck”.

it was that moment i knew i absolutely had to be liz taylor circa the white diamonds commercial for halloween.

so this morning, i got to work bright and early and started checking emails. i brought a bunch of rhinestones to spread around my desk for effect, and was feeling very, very sure of myself that this contest was in the bag.

that is, until our receptionist came by my desk to drop off the latest issue of craft magazine.

i couldn’t believe it – our new receptionist, steph, had THE EXACT SAME COSTUME AS ME.

“what the heck is this?” i asked her.
“i don’t know what your problem is,” she replied, “white diamonds liz taylor is huge this year.”

“like have you seen steph the janitor?” she asked, “she’s liz taylor, too.”

“and so is steph in I.T., and our accountant steph,” she continued.

well this just sucks! turns out our jerky bosslady’s got a penchant for ol’ lizzy, too. effing wonderful.

“what the heck you want?” my boss asked “you know i’m tryin to watch people’s court.”
when i reminded her we were supposed to be having the contest first thing in the morning, she told me to get everyone together so she could judge it real quick during the commercials.

“hmmmm…. this is pretty tough,” she says, “you guys all look so… lame.”

she continued, saying “yeah i can hardly even tell who you’re supposed to be.”

she whips out her bottle of white diamonds and yells “obviously my attention to detail means i win, suckas!”

“and lemme just say, i wanna thank all the little people… i couldn’t have won this prestigous award without you all looking like crap and i really appreciate that.”

with that, she drank the whole bottle of wine and passed out for the rest of the work day.

as soon as she was unconscious, we all stole from her wallet and went home for the day so i guess in the end, everybody wins!

happy halloween everyone!