Don’t start with Part 4 of our Fun with Phishing Scams series! If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, go get caught up. It’s funny stuff, I swear.

At this point, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to hear from our friend Matheis the email scammer anymore after my last barrage of questions. But this tenacious little dude decided to try a new tack, and he actually tried to answer a few of my questions!

Just in case your eyes can’t read text that tiny… here’s what he wrote:

Dear Steph Calvert
Thanks for your reply, the bank where my deceased client has the deposit is BSIC bank of TOGO located in West Africa in a French speaking country.
It is not a credit union and we have to use your details to procure legal documents that will authorize you to redeem the fund from the bank.
The funeral was done year ago and I have not got in contact with you by then and the deceased has not introduced you to me as his extended family member or direct family member but I am doing my best to ensure that we redeem the fund hence his bank has given me mandate to present the next of kin which is you.
All I want is a telephone number where you can be reach because during the transfer processing the BSIC bank of Togo official might try to contact you with the transfer code and they have to reach you direct not through me.
If you wish to come in person, you are free and teh country is Togo and the city is Lome and it is a free visa entry to this country.
So you have to decide if we should go on or not because you are the one holding the transfer processing now.

I didn’t want to hold up the transfer, but I did have a couple of more questions for our dear friend Matheis:

Thanks for getting back to me, Matheis.

I’m what you might call a mutt in terms of nationalities – I’m Swedish, Swiss, German, Irish, Italian, a little Native American (but not enough to get a college scholarship), and French. Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit any French-speaking abilities aside from quoting old 70s songs about some chick that likes marmalade.

Actually, check that – I did take a semester of French in 8th grade, and I still remember how to ask for breakfast. So if you think the bank might have some orange juice or scones when we show up to collect my large cardboard check (or suitcase of bills), I’ve got us covered.

I was also wondering if my next of kin was from Africa? I never knew I had distant relatives out that way. Do you think I need to sign up for a free trial of Ancestry.com to find out how I’m connected with the deceased? Shoot me their name and I’ll see what I can come up with via that site. I wonder if the deceased was my long lost evil twin sister… Did she have a moustache? People with moustaches are almost always the bad guy.

What’s Lome, Togo like this time of year? Should I pack winter clothes? Once I arrive in the country, how long will it take for us to get ahold of my huge cardboard check, and do you think it’ll be able to fit in the overhead bin on the plane during my flight home? I’d hate to gate check that – it could get bent up in transit, and I’m not sure if my credit union will believe it’s legit if it’s all beat up when I try to cash it in.

Also, what if we went into business together selling scented candles after we receive the money? People love candles. Let me know – I know you had ideas on how we could start up a company, too – looking forward to hearing what you had in mind.

Have a great night!
Steph

Is this the end of our scammer? Tune in to Part 5 of our Fun with Phishing Scams series to find out!